Gerl SnubB

I thank God for all the people He has placed in my life. There’s no other way to explain it but it’s His doing. Somehow He has placed the right people in life: all my friends & my crew. My friend was talking about how he doesn’t want to join just any crew and how he wants to know them and who he’s working with. Makes sense. I don’t know what it was but I said ‘yes’ on the spot. I wasn’t hesitant and I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. But, everything worked out. I’m dancing with some of the most humble and realistic people. And I absolutely love the dance community we have in Portland. There’s a lot of love. Honestly, it still shocks me that there’s an actual dance scene in Portland. So many years of my life I didn’t think it existed here. I never imagined myself witnessing dance battles or being in a room full of graffiti - the street dance life. I just thought these scenes were just in LA or New York or movies. But it’s here and it’s awesome. :)

Relationship And Dancing Biz

I remember when I was dating my ex and he had told me about a previous relationship that he was in where he gave up break dancing to spend more time with her. I assured him that I would never ask him to do that. Even though I said that to him, I allowed myself to pull away from dancing because I was so focused on spending time with him. Like, I didn’t want to do anything but see him. Then, yeah we broke up and I was sad. That’s when I got a good slap in the face. I realized that my friends were my greatest strength and I was stupid to have stopped dancing. From then on, I’ve committed to NEVER put a guy before my friends and dancing. (If I ever break this, SLAP me!) I plan on committing to sessions in the future…he can always come through. If not, I’m not gonna force him. I’m gonna let him do him, so I expect him to give me the same respect.

Like I said before, I would never ask him to give up something he loves to do to spend time with me. Whether it’s dancing, singing…something constructive that he has passion for, I would never ask him to inconveniently take time out of that for me. That’s just me though. I believe that if you love a person, what they love to do is a part of them and you have to accept that. If you can’t then obviously there are gonna be issues and you truly do not love this person for who they are.

Twenty1

I’m just gonna throw it out there - call me a party pooper or what you want, I don’t care. I’m not looking forward to drinking when I turn 21. I honestly don’t care about that and I just don’t want to do it. I don’t need to drink to have fun. Some of you may say “A little won’t hurt.” Not that bad, I agree. But damage will still be done and I just don’t want that. :/ Please just respect my decision in choosing not to drink. My health isn’t great already with all that bacon and cheese I’ve been consuming with my burgers. I don’t need alcohol to get involved. My family already has a history of health problems: my parents have high blood pressure, my dad had a stroke a few years back, my grandpa passed a lot sooner than expected because of heart problems…yeah, I don’t need alcohol to be a part of it. Then of course there’s the whole “get the experience” argument. -____- I got drunk once, all right. Considered as “been there, done that” kind of deal. An experience I can live without. Choosing to drink, a decrease in health and life - or choosing not to drink and likely to live more days with people I love. Well, you know what my decision is. Respect that.

I like a person who is true and honest to themselves and I like to surround myself with people like that. I’m proud of the person that I am. Some people may see some changes and may or may not like it. But I know in my heart that it’s not a bad direction and that I have full control of where I take myself.

I had told my brother, “When I was asked to join the crew, I knew myself that I cannot date anyone in the crew. It’s a rule that I have set for myself. I’m not expecting myself to fall for anyone, but I absolutely want to stay away from that because the relationship will affect the crew. So, I know better to stay away from that. And when I came through to the sessions, I wasn’t looking for a potential mate. I went to learn and befriend these guys and they welcomed me. I didn’t feel threatened by them at all. I see all of them like my brothers.”

And he responded, “I’m proud of you, sis. I’m glad you aren’t like that. Some girls get into dancing to get with the guys. That’s not a good look.”

I’m glad that I’m not one of those girls. Definitely not the way I wanna present myself. :/

KRUMP = LIFE

Very true. And I’m gonna work my way in making it into my lifestyle.

Doing Me

“From this day forward I’m gonna do ME and let you do YOU. I’m gonna respect that and you should at least do the same for me. If you’re not with me then you’re against me - I’m not saying we’re enemies. I’m saying, accept our differences.”

Growing up, I understood that people do what they have to do. Or, where you stand in a person’s life is neither their fault or yours. In middle school, she was my best friend. To her, I wasn’t. I don’t blame her, not much of myself either even though I’m disappointed in myself that I wasn’t that person in her life. Her best friend was someone older, wiser, and someone who she could depend on. Since then, I never really claim anyone as my “best friend.” Not like I got hurt or anything - I just had a better understanding of life. I’m not the type of person who wants to be everyone’s best friend. I just do my best in reaching out to those who asks for my presence and attention.

For the past couple of months, I sort of loss this connection with a friend who I felt was close to me. I don’t know what happened. We drifted. I dunno what I did wrong - I don’t want to make assumptions and over-think the situation because it may not be that serious. But it gets to me when the last words I said to this person was “love you too” and has made attempt to talk to this person. And this person does not reply or does not initiate to approach me. I was upset with how things turned out between me and this person. But, one of the last things I remember him saying to me was, “You’ve changed.” I don’t know if that has anything to do with how he treats me now…but that is what I meant when I said, “either you are with me or against me.” I’ve accepted the turnout of our relationship.

I find life a lot easier when you’re just focused on yourself. Doing YOU. Taking care of what you need and attending to your priorities. It’s gonna hurt some of you when you know what my priorities are. It’s best that you accept it and understand that I accept/respect yours. I’ve come to accept/respect our differences. Now it’s your turn to step up and do the same. It’s not like I’m gone. If it’s urgent, grab my attention. It’s not that hard. Hit me up and I’ll do what I can. One main priority that I have right now is my role as a crew member. It’s something I’ve committed to. That’s something I consider as DOING ME. Of course it’s my responsibility as a friend to also be there for you - you know I’m there in spirit or by faith or you know that in the end I’ll be the one standing there. So don’t trip. But to be honest, my presence isn’t needed if you’re not going through an emotional breakdown. I know that’s cold…but I’m sure you are “grown” enough to take care of any other business if not that.

More thoughts

Each passing moment spent with these people open my eyes to the bigger picture of how my world really is. I don’t connect with these people. It’s different interest and different mindset. I usually don’t talk about the future and think about it…I don’t dream about growing up and having a family. I dream about growing up, having a stable career with decent income, living on my own or with a friend in California. That life is perfect to me. Sad to say, but the past few year I’ve thought about leaving my family or community/culture behind. More like I can’t see the community playing a part in my future. I’m sure I’ll keep in contact with my family - but the community I don’t see it. A part of me feels like I need to distant myself from immediate family too. Some people say, “Why do I need friends or when I have my family.” It’s different for everyone. Somehow I’ve come to connect with my friends more. More so, they create a respectful atmosphere. Not that they are friends and that they sugar coat my life. They’re honest. Not only that but they trust me. I guess you can say the family disapproves of what I do and how I think. It’s really because we don’t connect. We don’t see eye to eye.

A thought…

I don’t know what it is, but I feel out of place. Like, I don’t belong. I’m disconnected with these people. I’m not hurt by it. It’s just I feel like I don’t want to spend time with these people anymore because we’re so disconnected. I’m not disappointed…but I guess it’s too bad that I’m not connecting with them. It is what it is. I’ll go on my way and it will fall in place.